Thursday, February 27, 2014

Five Times I've Shot Milk Out Of My Nose While Listening to Rap

          First a bit of necessary backstory; as a kid who grew up in the 90s in Atlanta, I've been into rap music since I started getting into music in general. It also helped that I was and still am a huge fan of 90s basketball (Glen Rice forrrrrrrrr 3!). It seemed to me like that was the heyday of all that original swag, but while rock music has gotten pretty square over the years (and incredibly pretentious), hip hop continues to push forward.

One of rap's biggest fans, Michelle Benbama

          I love the rap industry; I'm the smallest part of it, just a bass player, but I see the way all these people treat each other. It's very business-like, but with a great amount of respect for what each individual brings the table. From my experience, it is more about teamwork than anything else. Certainly more about teamwork than being in a band.

          And there are unbelievable hip hop lyricists out there. Gangstarr's Guru raps what are essentially well written essays about important subject matter. But as evidenced by the title, you won't be seeing any of Guru's verses highlighted here. So without further adieu…

5-Candy by Will Smith
-You know I've gotta lead this off with a heavy hitter. I remember bumping this disc (Big Willie Style, if you didn't know) on my walkman on family trips in the old Vo. I could always relate to the metaphor in this song, because I've always had kind of this emotional/sexual thing with candy (don't reread that). So when Will really busts out with that Independence Day swag in the 3rd verse, whew. 

"I know the deal, I talked to Mary Jane and she said
Your ex-boyfriends Mike and Ike are both Lemonheads
I ain't tryin' to playa hate girl I know
That you go with Bazooka Joe
Now you know he don't love you like that
He tryin' ta get a Reese's piece of the Kit-Kat
Really hon, what he need is a Jawbreaker
Cause I'm the one that'll love you baby, Now and Later
Be my Peppermint Paddy with a hundred wishes
And I'll be your Hershey daddy with a hundred kisses
Get the Twins M&ms, they booked all outta flights today
Me and you can Starburst to the Milky Way
I don't care what it cost, girl a hundred grand
we could snicker all night at my jolly ranch
just me and you, I'll call your friends up too
I could get my friends Babe Ruth and Charlston Chew."

TLDR: With a whopping 19 candy references in one verse, Will Smith reminds the world that more than his movies have slick product placement. 

4-Get Your Walk On by Xzibit
-The "Pimp My Ride" star showing why he is a double threat with these gems.  

"I can drink a whole Henessy 5th 
some call that a problem but I call it a gift"

3.-Break Up by Lil Wayne
-There could be an entire list of Lil Wayne verses. And before anyone gets the wrong idea, I could point out maybe 100 creative, clever, and expert rhymes. But that's not the purpose of this blog, so for now enjoy one of his classics where towards the end, Weezy lets you know just where his mind is at when he is rapping.

"nice tires on my 'ghini
you should wanna king me
brain dead flow
vegetable zucchini"

2. Black Dreams by Young Jeezy
        -No doubt rap fans knew this was coming, but since most of my blog traffic is made up of lesbian-folk appreciators, this one deserved a spot. I love Young Jeezy and hardly anyone has a cooler sounding voice in rap. Nevertheless, that makes it all the more hilarious when he busts out this INSTANT CLASSIC

"Mafia B*tch, I'm in the mafia
holla at your boy, I can do a lot for ya
speakin my language if you talking bout Tilapia" 

1. Ayy Ladies by Travis Porter featuring Tyga 
-Where have all the rockstars gone? You'll have a tough time finding dudes who rock like Travis Porter does nowadays. These dudes are the greatest and chock full of great rhymes, but the funniest line from their smash "Ayy Ladies" actually comes from the mind of featured guest, Tyga. 

"man I wouldn't shake his hand with a broke hand"

         There is beauty in simplicity and much like Keats wrote, "a thing of beauty is a joy forever." 

          In conclusion, we can make fun of rap all we want; and certainly to hear tough dudes talking about tilapia, it should be well-deserved. But perhaps the goal sometimes is to evoke laughter. There is nothing shallow about making another person see the lightness of their light's heavy lifting. There is nothing deeper than bringing a smile to another's face. 

          There is far too much emphasis placed on music "meaning something." So much emphasis in fact, that I've seen artists spend more time trying to "mean something" than "being someone" or even simply just "being." More people need to be true to themselves in order to inspire genuine authenticity in a world where, although authenticity is praised, it is too much effort for most people.
          The race to be the next Bob Dylan is really more of a pissing contest to be perceived as such. 

          The race should be more of trot, against no one besides yourself. You should be stopping to smell the flowers, stopping to pick up other people's miller lite cans (why are there always so many of these on the ground?), and perhaps you should be stopping to smile and chuckle. You should respect and admire that which and whom makes you laugh. 

          And after this race, make sure you eat some Tilapia!

rap on maine,

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